Today Is Weird.

First of all, a huge shout out to my boy, Justin Timberlake, for getting me through my run today. I really didn't think I had it in me, but when Senorita started playing and he was singing about that brown eyed girl, I just imagined sweating it out on the dance floor with Justin himself, and as crazy as it sounds, that's what kept my feet hitting the pavement. Anyway.
Speaking of Justin, there's a couple lines in one of his songs that says "....Loneliness only wants you back here with me but common sense knows that you're not good enough for me." Let me just clarify one thing before I go any further: I know I wear my heart on my sleeve. A lot. That's just who I am. While I know this isn't a bad thing, I know it's not always the greatest either. But today, I'm feeling weird and sappy and a little bit sad (what an odd combination of emotions) so I'm gonna go with the whole "it's not a bad thing" and just pour it all on ya. Today I'm lonely. Today I really wish I was in love. And with someone who was excited to order carry out and watch Tebow beat Tom Brady tonight. Today I want to curl up next to a man I love and laugh with him. My uncle Roger is always telling me to learn to be content in being "alone." While this is something I strive to really grasp, I can't lie. Today, I just don't wanna be content in this loneliness. I want a man that is no less than six foot, brown eyed, dark headed, and strong to walk through my front door in cowboy boots and a hat (and if he had chaps on, I wouldn't make him leave). So, bottom line is I'm lonely. And it would be super easy to settle for what's familiar, for what I've known the past four years. Even if familiar sucked big time. But common sense knows familiar is not good enough for me. I don't know how many more days, or weeks, or months it'll take for me to not have a day where I don't miss the familiar, but today I do. And I don't feel bad about it. Tomorrow is a new day, though. And tomorrow won't be so weird.

A Girl Can Dream

Last year, I got what seemed like a thousand wedding invitations in the mail. Already in 2012, I've had a dear friend get married. I've had friends who became engaged on New Years Day. I've got friends who are celebrating anniversaries and expecting their first baby. While I'm so excited for each and every one of them, I won't lie about the fact that I have this small fear that I'm gonna be one of those people who just never finds love. The kind that dates every once in a while but never finds The One. Mr. Right. Does he exist??? See, I wasted my entire early 20's on a man who.....well, there's a lot I could say about him. But I'll just say he was a man that wasn't right for me. Or for anyone if the truth be told. But that's another story for another day. While most of my friends (and family) were doing things the right way, I was living in some fantasy land that Mr. Wrong would magically turn in to Mr. Right. Turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong. So here I am, 25, single and living in a part of the world where you marry your high school sweet heart. And I'm afraid I may have screwed up. I'm not opposed to dating. There really just isn't anyone to date around here. They all got married several years ago. And not to me. Maybe I worry about this too much. I just don't wanna be single forever. I don't wanna be the 5th wheel. I don't wanna be the only one flying solo at Christmas parties and trips to the lake for 4th of July. I can just see it now. I'm 30. I turn down the invite to the Labor Day weekend camping trip because I feel like it's a sympathy invitation anyway. So I lay around in PJ's all weekend, drinking Jose Cuervo premixed margaritas, maybe rearrange my living room because you can do that when you're single. There's no one else living with you that would care if the couch is moved to the other side of the room. Oh. My. Gosh. Someone sweep me off my feet, already. I don't wanna be that girl. 

I'll tell you what I DO want. I want a tall man with dark hair, and piercing eyes, strong arms, rough hands, and a smile that melts my heart to come knocking on my door. I want him to make me laugh. I want him to laugh at my stupid humor. I want to have fun with him. I want a man that makes me want to try new things, to branch out. I want a man that farms and wears boots and a hat. I want a man that tells me I'm pretty. I want a man that seriously just makes me smile. A man that understands me. A man that looks at me with those piercing eyes and doesn't have to say a word....we just know what the other one is thinking. Does this man exist? Or did he marry someone else when I was trying to make Mr. Wrong turn in to Mr. Right? Crap. I hope not. 

The Ozarks

I love that I grew up in The Ozarks. It's such a beautiful place to live. There's nothing quite like the rolling hills covered in orange, red, and yellow leaves in the fall. There's nothing more powerful than a summer sunset here in The Ozarks. I can't imagine growing up anywhere else. I love the small town feel and the sense of community and I have to admit, I like that I can't go to town without seeing several people I've known my entire life. What I love the most, though, is that my family lives here, too. I could be to my brother's house in five minutes. My Gramma lives just down the road. We're all just right here. And I hope that never changes.
Here's another crazy thing I love about The Ozarks: bluegrass music. Seriously, people. Where else can you find a fiddle, a banjo, guitar, dobro, an upright bass, and a group of backwoods hillbillies eager to play you a song about these beautiful rolling hills? It's right here. I know you're probably all thinking The Deliverance, but try not to let your mind go there. Sorry about that.
I love that all my childhood memories are from right here. Entire summers spent at the ball field at Morse Park. Birthday parties at Big Spring Park. Elliff Court and summer nights collecting lightening bugs in mason jars and playing hide and seek with the neighbor kids.
I love that this is where I'll raise my babies and they'll get to experience the same breathtaking sights that I've had the privilege to see day after day.This is where it's at, people. And this is where you'll always find me. Right here in the heart of The Ozarks.

Less of Me

Less of Me: Less of Me

Less of Me

I'm excited about this year. To be completely honest, 2011 was not exactly my best year. And neither was 2010. Really, I've spent the past couple years trying to do things on my own and in my own timing. I'm probably not the most patient person and it's gotten me in to some trouble from time to time. Anyone who knows me knows that I arrive to EVERYTHING at least ten minutes early. If I'm having guests over for supper at 7:00 PM, I will more than likely have the table set by noon. Nothing drives me more crazy than having time to kill. I guess you could say I rush things along. I'm constantly planning ahead, arranging and rearranging things in my mind. Don't be like me. I don't think all these things are necessarily bad qualities, I just tend to get a little OCD about them. Once again, don't be like me. This year, though, it truly is the desire of my heart to just let go and trust that God has already created the timeline for my life. EEEEEEEK. Just saying that stresses me out. But it's true. I mean, let's face it. My own approach hasn't exactly worked out for me the last four or five years. So why not give this whole faith thing a whirl, right? Honestly, at this point, I don't have a whole lot to lose. And I have a feeling I've got a lot to gain if I'll just trust Him.